Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
