You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
