this beer tastes like vomit already
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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