i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
