Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
