first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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