Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
