woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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