he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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