Jerry, you need to find god
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
