Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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