Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
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