my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
