I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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