I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
