i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
