so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
