Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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