She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
