i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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