I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
