i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
