there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
