this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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