I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I lost the right to judge tonight
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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