Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm having to shit out rocks
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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