he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
