Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
