Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
