Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
