Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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