White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
