come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
