Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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