if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i black out too much to be "responsible"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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