i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It's never too late to be topless.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
