Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
