at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
