Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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