it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
