their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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