Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Everything about him screamed your future.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
