just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
