I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
