you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
