All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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