Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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