Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
