Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
