My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
